to my new love.

so me trying to be cool lately, i have been introduced to new music... it started with spencer russell and the cafe in provo he played in a while back, and i fell in love instantly. which of course led me to the velour on the 26th where he had a concert with his band( i knew the base player!! russ from swim team!) i was then introduced to emily brown.

she is my new love.

my mothers maiden name is brown, i secretly wish she was related to me!!!! she has amazing music, and is a local... which i just feel cool that i even know there are local bands... :) like i said i am trying to be cool...
but you should really check her out on facebook, you'll never want to leave her facebook page so you can listen to her songs!!!

the big 1-9

my birthday. . . . where to even begin???

11:30 p.m. before the big day- getting a count down from a best friend is probably the greatest thing ever, and when i am used to spending that time with her, it was great to welcome my birthday in with her :)

12:00 a.m.- right as it turned twelve i got my first happy birthday from curtis, :) then a call from the one and only lisa :)

7:00-10:30 a.m.-this is where things went a little down hill... lets just say as i got dropped off at school i felt like i was starring in sixteen candles... and i had to take the hardest test i have ever taken.

10:30-3:30- grant came to the rescue!! we did basically everything i love, my favorite cupcakes, favorite restaurant, and a movie with glen... do i have the best brothers ever? yes. by far.

3:30-6:00p.m.- this is when i had the house to myself, and so of course i cleaned it! which is like my favorite thing to do in an empty house :) i got the best visit ever from amanda, she gave my just what i had wished for!!! balloons, baby cupcakes and the best card in the world. we laughed as we devoured those cupcakes:)

6:30ish-  i had finished cleaning the kitchen area, and had moved into the bathroom... this is when i took a good long hard look at myself in the mirror, i had thoughts of happiness, but most of them were thoughts of sadness.   i was going to spend my birthday without any of my best friends with me, which was the hardest thing to think about. 

but as i was cleaning the counter i hear this little giggle, of course i could tell who's it was, Elissa Kate Butler!!!! and i was so excited that she had found a way down. but as i turn to look out the door way, there is not just one girl... but two. the other girl was the one and only Lisa Jensen. shock overwhelmed me, then tears of such happiness came next. we all hugged for about five min while i cried and we all laughed :) and of course Mckenzie Mortensen came later as well...          this was by far the best present i could have EVER asked for, seeing all my best friends, when two min before i had to force myself not to dream of that...

the rest of the night went as follows:

dancing around my house laughing

having my friends come up and join in on the party

eating about five casadillas without even thinking about it

getting a birthday call from my mother, even though she was insanely busy

a surprise visit from my dad four min before it was over

mainly having my cheeks start to ache cause i was smiling and laughing soo much.

i am so extremely grateful for everyone, and everything that has happened to me for my birthday, and for my life so far... i am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world!!!

mmmmmhhhhhmmm.

so this sunday i decided that this week was going to be a week filled with greatness.
and so it has been.
monday i jsut about doubled my wardrobe with birthday clothing and savers clothing.
tuesday my brother took me to olive garden for my birthday :) then i stayed awake longer then my partner in crime... bomb!!!
and today i went to the temple and had curtis baptize me and confirm me for the first time ever, how did i get to be so blessed to have such amamzing friends!!!!???... i have plans to do something tonight too.

it is amazing the difference in life when my attitude is upbeat and looking for the positive... do not get me wrong some things this week have not been fun at all, but i haven't focused on that and it honestly has made a huge difference.
yay life!!!!

my brain hurts.

i do not like english one bit.

all i wanted to do tonight was go and veg on a couch.

but instead i made my brain hurt.

yay college.

yay confusing posts.

but that's all i can muster up right now.

awkward day? check.

some days i am turn into this extremely awkward girl (well more awkward then usual:) and on those days not only is it me that is more awkward then usual but the whole universe comes together to make sure my day is full of awkward situations!
awkward situation #1-
    i got to school and go to my first class, where i always sit in the very back, on the right side. but when i walked into class and headed for my normal seat... i noticed the universe ( or whoever was in that classroom before my class) decided to play a little joke on me. the whole table was turned 90 degrees, and you may think to yourself, then why didn't you just move it to how it should be? but you have to remember it was an awkward day for me... so of course i didn't do that. i sat by this boy who ever since he came into the class i have stolen a few too many glances at him... did we talk? no. awkward? YES!!!!!

awkward situation #2-
     i have an hour break between my first class and my math class so i always go to the fourth floor of the library and watch people park their cars and walk into school. and i was rather tired so i rested my head on the couch, and used my scarf as my pillow and awkwardly fell asleep there in the library in the weirdest position ever! what woke me up was grant texting me to see where i was because we had a math test that i was late for. awkward? maybe not for some, but for me... yes!

awkward situation #3-
     i took the test extremely quick... well for my slow class it was quick... i was the first one done. and i have never had that happen to me, because lets just face it i am not smart enough to be the first one done lol. but i sat there at my desk pretending to go over my test, when i had already done that two times before... it was awkward cause i didn't know what to do!

awkward situation #4-
     since i had time to spare from getting out early, i took the long way to my next class... and by the time i got to the student center place this other boy in my math class caught up to me, and we both knew who each other were    but we didn't say anything to each other... the crazy thing is my class after math is on the oposite end of the campus... but me and him walked the whole way by each other! did we say anything that whole ten min walk? NO!!! awkward? yes.

awkward situation #5-
     i should know now that if i am having an awkward day, that i should not leave my house for anything other then work and school... but of course i didn't really think about when i got invited to go to a little concert in a cafe in provo.     lets just say i tried to have a long conversation about food.... ya. even worse about fruits and vegetables, not even like delicious food! lets just say by this time i wanted to lay in the middle of the cafe in fetal position and wait to leave. that or walk home.

awkward situation #6-
     lets just say i am probably the most awkward girl when it comes to "door step" scenes..... and on this day when i couldn't do a single thing without being abnormally awkward.... lets just say AWKWARD!!!! but luckily someone in this world knows how to turn an awkward door step scene into a funny and a bit cute scene :)

lets hope today will be a less awkward day for me. i haven't left my room yet because i am a little afraid what the universe wants to do to me today...

but i am starting to like those awkward situations, and in turn starting to love myself as well :) because it's me who is the awkward one really, as someone wanted to point  out at a door step scene... and i like myself more and more each day awkwardness and everything!

crushing

crushing... i have been using this word to describe having a, quote on quote, crush on a boy lately, but like the actual thing i am kinda doing, ya know the whole gitty flirting thing... it is also like the actual meaning for that word.
crushing.
it is rather crushing to not get a text you hoped you'd receive.
it's crushing to watch flirting with a, lets just say it nicely, a high healed big earing kind of girl...
but.
take off the ing and it leaves you with crush. why on earth would you call someone that you have a little bit of liking for a crush? because they end up crushing you? or is it because it crushes your heart from all the gittyness?

i will now be thinking for quite some time why on earth it is called,
 a crush... or as i would like to say,
i am crushing on-(insert random great name)

yup.

so my life is kinda, no extremely weird... someone likes to remind me i am not normal all the time :)

but i like my life, i love it honestly!! i love how i can't go to bed without texting my three lovers goodnight
or that those lovers are girls :)
i like that i don't like kissing... whats the  rush, i don't plan on being married anytime soon. or in any relationship so why bother? it uses up too much chapstick worrying about it.
i love that when a boy is trying to have a serious conversation with me all i can think about are these cupcakes that kali chamberlain has made me fall in love with :)
i like how i have always worn rings on my left ring finger
i for some reason like complaining at work, when i am normally not a complainer

but the best right now, is i like being teased about these things past midnight on a couch...

why so many questions??

"being steadfast and immovable on the Lord's side of the line is the only strategy that works long-term against Lucifer. If the adversary can't get us to succumb to blatant evil, 

he tries to wear us down, weaken our resolve, and dim our memory of who we are.

 He promises the sin now, pay later plan.

 He feeds on our vanity with promises of popularity and power. 

He tells us that life is supposed to be easy

 and that if we experience undeserved pain the gospel must not be true. 

He always promises shortcuts, though there are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going. 

But he cannot duplicate joy or peace. 

That is why there is such safety on the Lord's side of the line, 

where the power of the priesthood and the holy ghost protect us."

-Sheri Dew

I love this quote because it makes total sense to me!!! (after I read it a couple of times:) Because I have felt myself question who I really was because Satan had started to sneak his way into my life little by little... And how when I looked to the Lord and our Savior, I know who I am. A daughter of God, who is capable of anything through him. I'm so blessed to know that, and to know when I am feeling something from Heavenly Father or Satan...