summer? you could say so.

some people may say it is summer, and i may even say so myself.

but i keep on wanting it to be last summer..... the pool just isn't the same without 

the boy who once had curly hair.

who is now officially in Mexico, super weird to think about,

but i pray that one of my best friends is doing okay in a country 

he will soon start to love more then his own.

here's a nice quote so this post isn't too pointless for you to read :)

"the only way to be happy is to live the gospel.

it is not possible to sin enough to be happy.

it isn't possible to buy enough to be happy,

or entertain or indulge or pamper ourselves

 enough to be happy.

happiness and joy come only when we

 are living up to who we are."

-sheri dew

i need this tattooed on my body so i can always remember it.

in my life i have always been trying to find out what makes me do the things i do, or not do the things i really want to do and i think i may have found the reason why i don't do alot of things in my life that i want or wish to do...

                                  fear.

i am afraid to tell the boy who barely knows me that i think he is cool and that i like him.

i am afraid to get a big time job

i am afraid to choose a major

i am afraid to move on in my life and grow up.

i am afraid that people wont see who i really am, instead of how big i am.

i am afraid that if i show someone my heart they will use and abuse it.

i am afraid that i wont find someone who i can say i want to be with you for forever.

i am afraid that i let people down, so instead i give them nothing to have let down.

i wish more then anything that i could get over some of these fears and insecurities that i have, but at the same time i don't.    i have lived nineteen years like this and have been rather happy.... the worst part about the rather happy, is i can clearly see how great my life really could be.

i just can't let go of those fears anyway.

one of the worst things about these fears is i set myself up for what i think will happen. 

i think people only see how big i am and not how fun i am... so i sit in the corner and i make little comments that no one can hear but me. or i act bitter and uninvolved because i don't want people to hurt me and leave me in the cold, so i put myself in the cold myself... when maybe they wouldn't have.

not sure if any of this makes sense, i just want everyone that reads this to know these things, or really let you know that i can finally see what you have probably known for a while :)

 i like to baby my fears because they are alot easier to hide behind then to have nothing there to blame or cover me.

 fear is scary and i honestly can say i know absolutely nothing about conquering it.

but i want to get to a point, some day, to be able to not want to stand behind my fears and be able to show myself how i truly want to be seen and not just who i want to hide myself as.

my true love in life.

some people may call me crazy, some people may call me genius... i would like to say i am the second one.      you ask why would someone call me, sara gagon a genius? well seems obvious to me.
i love harry potter.
my love for harry potter has grown quite a bit this past year. i am now listening to all the harry potter books again before the last movie comes out, like i did last year for the second to last movie :)
i also have three out of twelve things on my summer list, all having to do with harry potter...

i love harry potter because:
first off, how can you not? i am for real.
secondly, i absolutely love the lessons i can learn from harry and his journey :) sounds soo stupid but it's true for me...
and i love dumbledor... or however you spell it. but i love him because almost anytime he opens up his mouth to speak in any of the movies, i always want to have a pen and paper ready to write it down...
oh also... what can i say i love hp... i like how you can get alot of symbolism from harry potter to the church, i just enjoy movies that don't mean to be linked to the church but are.

i love harry potter.

help me please:)

so. because facebook is no longer stimulating to me, i now spend my many hours on blog stalking... and remaking my blog (if you haven't already noticed my redesigning for the tenth time)
but i have a problem and i need your help with it.
i can not for the life of me think of a good name for my blog.
this is hard for me!!! a quick, nice, funny, personal title for my blog... everyone else i know has a great title for their blog,
so everyone else i know... you should use your amazing brain power to think up a title for my blog.
you are the best:)
leave that title in this comment box.

over and out.

a dream i could only wish upon.

for almost anybody i know, well who blogs for that matter... follows, or has at least heard about megan's blog. it's almost a duh kind of a thing in my small community.
i was looking at the people she follows, everyone i follow, she follows. no joke.
my dream is to one day be so great at writing in this place that even megan her self follows my blog.
and that she actually follows what i write here, not just pushes the follow button and when she gets to the dashboard, ignores whenever she sees i have posted something... no actually read it.
but this is only a dream i can wish upon.
maybe i will get better at writing? one can only hope ha

oh p.s. the person who said he didn't want me to write wrote me back...
maybe my writing is getting better, i persuaded him to write me, so maybe in due time i can get megan to follow me :)